Justice League (2017)

Justice League (2017): written by Joss Whedon, Chris Terrio, and Zack Snyder; directed by Zack Snyder and Joss Whedon; based story-wise on works by James Robinson, Gardner Fox, Nicola Scott, Mike Sekowsky, Geoff Johns, and Jim Lee; starring Ben Affleck (Batman), Gal Gadot (Wonder Woman), Amy Adams (Lois Lane), Ezra Miller (The Flash), Jason Momoa (Aquaman), Ray Fisher (Cyborg), Jeremy Irons (Alfred), Ciaran Hinds (Voice of Steppenwolf), Amber Heard (Mera), Diane Lane (Martha Kent), and Henry Cavill (Superman):

A partial list of mainstream superhero movies to which the hilariously maligned Justice League is clearly superior:

• Batman Forever
• Batman & Robin
• The Dark Knight Rises
• Hulk 
• The Incredible Hulk 
• Iron Man 2
• Avengers: Age of Ultron 
• Thor
• Thor: The Dark World 
• Dr. Strange 
• Man of Steel
• Suicide Squad
• Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice
• Superman III
• Superman IV 
• Superman Returns 
• X-Men: The Last Stand 
• X-Men: Apocalypse
• Wolverine: Origins 
• The Wolverine 
• Spider-man 3
• The Amazing Spider-man 2 
• Fantastic Four
• Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
• Fantastic Four reboot...

I liked Justice League more on re-watching on TV, where the humour stands out more than the CGI bombast. I'm guessing 95% of that humour comes from Joss Whedon's frantic work to make Zack Snyder's scenes lighter, funnier, and less Ayn-Randish. Would I have gone with Jack Kirby's least interesting New Gods villain as the big bad, especially given that he shares a name with both a cult novel and a 1970's rock band? Probably not. Recommended.

Justice League (2017)

Justice League (2017): written by Joss Whedon, Chris Terrio, and Zack Snyder; directed by Zack Snyder and Joss Whedon; based story-wise on works by James Robinson, Gardner Fox, Nicola Scott, Mike Sekowsky, Geoff Johns, and Jim Lee; starring Ben Affleck (Batman), Gal Gadot (Wonder Woman), Amy Adams (Lois Lane), Ezra Miller (The Flash), Jason Momoa (Aquaman), Ray Fisher (Cyborg), Jeremy Irons (Alfred), Ciaran Hinds (Voice of Steppenwolf), Amber Heard (Mera), Diane Lane (Martha Kent), and Henry Cavill (Superman):

Saw Justice League at the 12:45 p.m. show in Galleria on opening day. The 'print' arrived late so they hadn't done a sound-check before showing it. Oops! 

The first ten minutes played without any noticeable treble in the mix (seriously!), which made for an interesting audio experience. I wondered if Christopher Nolan had done the sound mix until they stopped the movie, fixed the sound, and started again from the beginning.

Then for another ten minutes or so, the theatre made almost inaudible announcements that it was seeking out the source of the fire alarm (which we couldn't hear) and not to panic. Friday was a PA Day for kids. Damn kids going to a superhero movie in the afternoon and pulling fire alarms! Rascals!

Also they never quite got the movie framed properly. But then we all got free passes at the end of the show, so really, who's complaining? Though it did all make me wonder if Disney is paying people to sabotage the film.

As to the film -- well, the stitches between the fairly light-hearted, earnest or snarky Whedon scenes and the glum, occasionally straining-to-be-funny Snyder scenes are pretty obvious. Whedon also turned up the Brightness, which means Superman is actually dressed in bright blue and red for the first time in the DCEU movies, so that's good. 

Whedon clearly also had the job of hacking and slashing the movie down to two hours, and having it be basically 'stand-alone' rather than Part One. So Darkseid gets only one mention, though it's clear that the big bad works for him (the villain is Steppenwolf, who is a Kirby New Gods character whom writer James Robinson promoted to Darkseid's world-conquering general in the Earth-2 comic series from 2012). 

The hacking and slashing results in some pretty funny 'infodumps' which end up feeling like homages to the crazily fast-paced, Gardner-Fox-scripted Silver Age Justice League comics from the 1960's. The explanation of what a Mother Box is is especially... compact... as is an exchange between Aquaman and Atlantean Mera (Amber Heard) which condenses Aquaman's back story into about 45 seconds of dialogue.

The acting is pretty solid. The Flash is genuinely funny and charming. Jason Momoa's Aquaman seems to have been written as a surly underwater hillbilly Wolderine by Snyder and as a jolly underwater stand-up comedian by Snyder. Cyborg is, well, a cipher.

Also, somebody (probably Snyder) basically restages the opening battle against Sauron from Fellowship of the Ring as part of the backstory of Steppenwolf's previous invasion of Earth, and even frames it in terms of it being the last time the various races of Earth (Atlanteans, Amazons and Greek Gods, and what seems to be King Arthur and his knights) united against a common foe. I kid you not. Wonder Woman narrates, per Galadriel in LOTR: TFOTR...

Bonus points for including parademons and getting a mention of Kirby's New Gods into the dialogue. Fun fact: the movie's 'Unity' seems to pretty clearly Jack Kirby's Anti-Life Equation restated euphemistically.

Though the only two rational explanations for Superman's unintentionally funny, late-movie line to Bruce Wayne ("How did you get the farm back from the bank ?!?!?") are that Superman doesn't understand how money works or that Lex Luthor owned the bank that foreclosed on the Kent farm.

Also, maybe it's swim-suit season on Themyscira, Snyder-haters! Did you ever think of that?

There are two end credits sequences, one early and one right at the end. Plan accordingly.

Hey, the movie is only 2 hours and one minute long. Kudos! My butt thanks you!

Far better than a lot of superhero movies, a list that includes Whedon's studio-garbled Avengers: Age of Ultron, The Dark Knight Rises, Superman III, Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, Spider-man 3, Amazing Spider-mans 1 and 2, X-Men: The Last Stand, Guardians of the Galaxy 2, the first two Thor movies, Dr. Strange, the two Hulk movies, Wolverine: Origins and The Wolverine, Batman Forever, Batman and Robin, X-Men: Apocalypse, Ant-man, Superman Returns, Man of Steel, Batman v. Superman, Suicide Squad, and many others. Recommended.

Secret Origins of Super DC Heroes

Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice: The Ultimate Edition (2016): written by David S. Goyer and Chris Terrio; directed by Zack Snyder; starring Ben Affleck (Batman), Henry Cavill (Superman), Gal Gadot (Wonder Woman), Amy Adams (Lois Lane), and Jesse Eisenberg (Lex Luthor): Much more satisfying than the theatrical version, the Ultimate Edition increases Batman's lunacy and develops Luthor's plot. It even adds scenes of Superman helping people and puts Jena Malone's scenes as STAR Labs' Jenet Klyburn back into the movie. Even at 3 hours, it moves better than the 2 1/2 hour theatrical version. Recommended.

Wonder Woman (2017): based on characters created by William Moulton Marston, H.G. Peter, George Perez, and others; written by Allan Heinberg, Jason Fuchs, and Zack Snyder; directed by Patty Jenkins; starring Gal Gadot (Diana), Chris Pine (Steve Trevor), Connie Nielsen (Hippolyta), Robin Wright (Antiope), Danny Huston (Ludendorff), David Thewlis (Sir Patrick), and Elena Anaya (Dr. Poison): Director Patty Jenkins and screenwriter Allan Heinberg go back to Richard Donner's first Superman movie for inspiration (among other sources). 

The result is a crowd-pleaser with a female superhero. It may go on just about one climax too many, but overall Wonder Woman is a delight, as is Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman. A relative unknown, she shows the star power and charm of that other relative unknown, Christopher Reeve. The film-makers even figured out how to make WW's boy-pal Steve Trevor interesting. Recommended.

Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

Man of Steel: written by David S. Goyer and Christopher Nolan; based on characters created by Jerry Siegel, Joe Shuster, and others; directed by Zack Snyder; starring Henry Cavill (Clark Kent/Superman), Amy Adams (Lois Lane), Michael Shannon (General Zod), Russell Crowe (Jor-El), Diane Lane (Martha Kent), Kevin Costner (Jonathan Kent), Ayelet Zurer (Lara), Christopher Meloni (Colonel Hardy), Antje Traue (Faora), and Laurence Fishburne (Perry White) (2013):

The sequel to Man of Steel is more interesting to think about than Man of Steel. The North American opening weekend and the international take will guarantee that sequel; the massive North American second-weekend box-office drop and the often-terrible reviews may mean some sort of shake-up in the trio (Christopher Nolan, David S. Goyer, and Zack Snyder) primarily responsible for Man of Steel. Let the betting begin. I'd put money on Nolan's brother Jonathan being brought on in some writing capacity while Goyer and Snyder may be pushed into executive producer credits.

Man of Steel manages to be both heavy-handed, especially in its Superman-as-Christ imagery, and remarkably slapdash in its execution. The plot and mythology are complicated in that off-putting Green Lantern way, with ideas from 75 years of Superman stories shovelled into what should be a relatively simple origin story, along with some truly wonky additions by the film-makers.

One of these additions is worth mentioning because it's a great example of how bad writers create problems for themselves and then try to solve them with more bad writing. Here, for the first time in Superman's history, he's depowered by exposure to Krypton's atmosphere. As the movie had earlier established, quasi-canonically*, that his powers derive from Earth's lower-than-Krypton gravity and its yellow sun, this seems like gilding the lily.

But Snyder and company have put Lois Lane on the Kryptonian ship, a decision that apparently made it difficult for them to figure out how NOT to have Lois crushed by artificial Kryptonian gravity. But adding 'atmosphere' to Superman's list of weaknesses and putting a breathing mask on her -- that's easy. If you're stupid that day, anyway. Would Superman have gotten his powers back if he'd held his breath?

They've also given us a Pa Kent who's apparently a sociopath, another new twist, and such a great idea. Kevin Costner is mostly wasted as Pa Kent, and when he's not wasted, he's morally odious. Diane Lane has one good scene and then plays a spokesmodel for Sears. International House of Pancakes also plays a supporting role, as does Budweiser and, in a nod to Superman's Canadian origins, Alexander Keith's Pale Ale.

Michael Shannon and Russell Crowe might have been better switching roles -- Crowe, as Superman's father Jor-El, can act big even in this vacuum, while Shannon seems too reserved and weirdly shrill for a world-threatening villain. He's not going to make anyone forget Terence Stamp as Zod in Superman 2, anyway. Crowe, meanwhile, occasionally seems to be playing Jor-El as he's been written: as Obi-Wan Kenobi, young and old. Mostly he's dead and giving advice, but he even gets a Kenobi-esque swimming sequence that quotes directly from Revenge of the Sith. What is up with that?

As a director, Snyder has exactly one stylistic touch that seems to be his -- a love of visual effects in which people and objects are floated into the air and then smashed into the ground. He did it in Watchmen and he does it here in the Metropolis-smashing finale. I can only see this as symbolic of what he does to an audience.

The rest of the time, we get a lot of Superman-as-Christ poses, along with visual quotes from Avatar, Alien, The Matrix trilogy, and even Apocalypse Now. The destruction of Smallville and Metropolis during the interminably action-packed final hour make me think Snyder would probably make a good Godzilla vs. Mecha-Godzilla director. But he really shouldn't be allowed near movies with people in them. Nor should (credited) lead writer Goyer, though on a project this big, there may have been many, many script doctors. Recommended if you're a masochist.

* Quasi-canonically in the sense that Siegel and Shuster originally posited that all Kryptonians had superpowers wherever they were, including Krypton, because they were 'more evolved' than humans.

Earth to Sucker Punch: You Suck!

Sucker Punch, written by Zack Snyder and some other guy, starring a bunch of people (2011): The most surprising thing about Sucker Punch ("from the visionary director of 300 and Watchmen!") is that Jon Hamm is in it, briefly. Did he lose a poker game to writer/director/"visionary" Zack Snyder? Did he get paid a lot? Are they former roommates? Maybe we'll never know.

But we do know that Sucker Punch is one of the most deliriously awful movies ever made in the history of the universe. It's bad enough that it's almost never boring; thinking about it afterwards will, however, cause your eyes to bleed. If Snyder actually writes any of the new Superman movie he's attached to direct, we may get something in the Elektra range of bad superhero pictures.

Do you really want to know the plot? OK. A 20-year-old girl with a porcelain doll's blank, round face, an eight-year-old's pigtails and a hooker's clothing sense gets really mad at her Wicked Stepfather when her mother dies (or is perhaps murdered), and while trying to protect her younger sister from the stepfather, maybe she shoots and kills her stepsister, or maybe she just gets blamed for doing it.

This girl is called Baby Doll. She gets sent to a mental asylum for wayward girls that appears to have been dropped into the movie from the video game Painkiller. The stepfather bribes an evil orderly to have Baby Doll (she is, so far as I can recall, only ever called 'Baby Doll' in the movie) lobomotized in five days. Her female friends are Rocket, Sweet Pea, Blondie and Amber. As stripper names go, the movie really only lacks an Ayesha, and maybe a stripper with her pubic hair shaved into a Nike swoosh.

Blank-faced, espressionless-but-glycerine-tear-producing Baby Doll imagines a second reality in which she and the other inmates are actually stripper/prostitutes imprisoned in a strip club/bordello. In this reality, Baby Doll is such an awesome dancer that she can Hyp-Mo-Tize men while she dances, allowing her friends to round up the four objects they need to escape.

But, see, when Baby Doll dances, she's fantasizing that she's undertaking crazy adventures in various syncretically derivative science-fantasy landscapes (say, World War One with steam-powered German zombie soldiers, or a WW2 bomber taking on a dragon in what looks like an outtake from Lord of the Rings). Her and her gal pals undertake all these third-level adventures while dressed in fanboy fetish-wear, mostly lingerie, guns, robots, ninja swords, high-heeled boots, that sort of thing. WE NEVER ACTUALLY SEE BABY DOLL DANCE.

Yeah, I know you've just tried to process the idea that Baby Doll's escape fantasy is to be a stripper/whore who's going to be raped and probably murdered in five days by "The Big Roller" rather than a mental patient and that to escape that escape fantasy, she's an underwear-wearing ninja in a series of adventures that completely destabilize the idea that the 'top' level of reality is sometime in the 1950's or early 1960's, especially as all the music for the action sequences comes from long after the seeming milieu of the top level. Unless Bjork's "Army of Me" came out thirty years earlier than I remember.

Moreover, the top level's too stylized to represent any sort of narrative touchstone, and becomes moreso when the entire escape plan from the asylum is staged within the second level of the fantasy, leaving the viewer completely in the dark as to whether or not anyone actually died in the escape attempt, and if so, how and why, and frankly, really, who gives a fuck? There aren't any actual characters in this anyway, and the women are such stylized fetish objects that the whole thing feels like a role-playing game for sex dolls and the fan-boys who love them.

But to get a PG-13 rating, the movie eschews actually nudity and sex. To top everything off, a musical sequence cut from the main narrative of the movie plays under the closing credits for no apparent reason. I shit you not. This thing is so awful it may become a cult classic. It may ALREADY be a cult classic. Recommended only as a truly awful movie, awfully made and awfully written.