Conference Championship Weekend: Beware the Kicker!

What was supposed to be another wildly unpredictable playoff year is now only unpredictable because of the AFC's New York Jets, the only non-1 or 2 seed remaining. And those zany Jets and their rotund coach, Rex Ryan, have really grown on me. Well, any team that beats the San Diego Chargers is OK by me. The Chargers are the most hateable current team. Year after year, they're pissy and arrogant even though their current Philip Rivers-led configuration hasn't made a Super Bowl, much less won one.

Watching a red-faced Philip Rivers run around screaming at the officials after the Jets' Darrelle Revis hauled in an improbable interception of Rivers, I realized that Rivers is so annoying that I wondered if the Chargers get an extra penalty or two every game because the refs get so sick of being screamed at. Certainly, Vincent Jackson's kick of the challenge flag later on in the game didn't necessarily look like a 15-yard penalty, but who am I to judge? And if I'd been listening to the Chargers whine and complain all day, I'd probably have taken any chance to throw a flag too. They're just that hateable. So now the Jets move on to face another high-powered offence with no running game in the Indianapolis Colts.

Over in the NFC, the championship will be the Resurrection Bowl, for a player (Minnesota's Brett Favre) and a team (the New Orleans Saints) that also stands as a symbol of a city in the process of resurrection (New Orleans, natch). The Saints are a genuine feel-good story, while I guess Favre's a feel-good story if you're a Favre fan. I myself am not, though I do have to give him props for having the best statistical season of his career at the age of 87.


Minnesota Vikings at New Orleans Saints: I don't trust the Vikings because I don't trust Brad Childress to coach worth a damn. And the Saints have an actual Dome advantage if their fans can scream really, really loudly -- that should disrupt the Vikings' offence, while the silence during Saints' offensive plays should work to slow down the Vikings' line compared to their suffocating home-field performance against Dallas last week. Also, I don't think the Saints will miss what was it two, three field goals? WTF is up with field-goal kickers this post-season? They're playing like it's 1969. New Orleans Saints 38, Minnesota Vikings 27.

New York Jets at Indianapolis Colts: And here we have Irony Bowl. The Jets are probably in the playoffs because the Colts decided to take a knee on the remainder of their season during their game with the Jets in Week 16, pulling the starters midway through the third quarter with a 15-10 lead. The Jets came back to win and The Legend of Rex Ryan was born. Prior to The Longest Knee, the two teams had played close -- the Colts had required a return TD to go ahead. The closeness of this game, like pretty much every game this playoffs, will depend on turnovers or the lack thereof. The Jets' superior running game can beat a high-scoring team if the #1 defence creates turnovers and the offence avoids them. And the opposing team misses makeable field goals. I don't think the Colts are going to miss field goals from 40 yards and in the way the Bengals and Chargers did -- Matt Stover may be a hundred years old, but he's played well in the playoffs before and he seems automatic from 40 and in. Operative word this playoffs: 'seems'. I'd like the Jets to win, but they need a lot more things to break just right than the Colts do. Indianapolis Colts 23, New York Jets 16.


Record to date: 4-4 (1-3 Wild Card round, 3-1 Divisional Round)

Fearless 2010 NFL Wild Card Round Predictions

The NFL playoffs have become almost as unpredictable over the last five years as, say, umm, anything. The last time a #1 seed from either conference won the Super Bowl was New England after the 2003 season. Rules and penalty-calling favour the passing game more than at any time in the NFL's history, making passing and the ability to defend the pass (or at least slow it down) far more important than running and the ability to run. Remember last year? Pittsburgh had a mediocre running attack; Arizona had no running attack. But unpredictability is the key. Going into the last two playoffs, the Giants in 2007-2008 and the Cardinals last year looked to be one-and-doners. So they instead went to the Super Bowl, with the Giants winning and the Cardinals losing in the last minute.

Thus, I make my wild-card predictions with absolutely no confidence whatsoever.

New York Jets at Cincinnatti Bengals: The Jets have the league's best rushing attack and #1 rated defense. If it were 1987, they might actually have a better record than 9-7. But it isn't 1987. The Jets did beat the Bengals last week by a ridiculous 37-0, so I'd have to be crazy to pick the Bengals, a Cinderella team for which midnight seems to have already struck. But the Jets have a truly bad quarterback in Mark Sanchez and whoever's backing him up, while Carson Palmer is a better-than-average quarterback for Cincy. For some insane reason, I think quarterback play will swing this game. BENGALS 23, JETS 9.

Green Bay Packers at Arizona Cardinals: Two great passing offenses that taste great together. Green Bay went 7-1 in the second half of the season; Arizona is the defending NFC champ. On paper, Green Bay has a better offense and a better defense. But there's just something I don't trust about GB coach Mike McCarthy. CARDINALS 38, PACKERS 28.

Baltimore Ravens at New England Patriots: Ah, on-paper theories. On paper, Baltimore's point-differential suggests they should be 12-4 or 13-3, or even better. Instead they're 9-7 and only beat the Raiders by 8 to make it into the playoffs. The Patriots have a defense that's gradually played better over the last month of the season. They don't have Wes Welker, but when the Patriots won all those Suepr Bowls, they didn't have Welker, Randy Moss or anyone really comparable (sorry, Deon Branch. How's Seattle, btw?). Frankly, I think the Ravens are whiny losers and I can't stand John Harbaugh's histrionics on the sideline. Tom Brady's going to win this one on muscle memory alone. PATRIOTS 31, RAVENS 19.

Philadelphia Eagles at Dallas Cowboys: The Cowboys whipped the Eagles 24-0 to claim the NFC East and relegate the Eagles to a 6 seed. By all rights, the surprisingly hot Cowboys should win and go on. But I have no faith in Wade Phillips, Tony Romo or the Cowboys' defense, for that matter. I think this game will turn into a pass-crazy track meet before it's done. Also, the Eagles always seem to play better as underdogs than favourites in the playoffs, and if they're going to melt down, they'll melt down in the NFC conference championship game. EAGLES 34, COWBOYS 21.