Bad Acting Playhouse

Tales from the Crypt Presents Bordello of Blood (1996):  There are a certain number of laughs to be had from the second and last of the features bearing the 'Tales from the Crypt' imprimatur. 

Some come from the fact that neither protagonist Dennis Miller nor antagonist Angie Everhart can act their ways out of a paper bag. Everhart is especially terrible as Vampire Queen Lilith, so much so that Miller looks pretty good when he's acting against her. 

Chris Sarandon can act, but he's strictly here for the paycheck. That means the best performance comes from Erika Eleniak, previously best known for coming topless out of a cake in UNDER SIEGE. Oh, well. 

Despite a frame tale featuring the Crypt-keeper, this very much doesn't resemble the great TALES FROM THE CRYPT comic book of the 1950's, though it does resemble the often slapdash, sophomoric HBO series of the 1990's that it's technically a spin-off of (spun off from?). 

EC Comics'  TALES FROM THE CRYPT was one of three pre-Comics Code horror anthology comics from that company, along with THE VAULT OF HORROR and THE HAUNT OF FEAR. The more you know! Not recommended. 

Now in Smell-o-rama!

Mr. Sardonicus (1961): adapted by Ray Russell from his novella; directed by William Castle: Enjoyable though somewhat low-budget adaptation of one of Ray Russell's terrific nods to the Gothic. Some time just after the invention of the medical hypodermic needle in 1853 (seriously, this is a plot point that allows one to date the narrative), a British expert in the field of curing muscle paralysis is summoned to a Gothicky manor in Eastern Europe by the woman he loved who was forced to marry for money... marry Baron Sardonicus!

Sardonicus wears a life-like mask for reasons he will soon explain to our recently knighted English doctor. The One Who Got Away doesn't love Sardonicus, nor does he love her. Sardonicus' creepy yet sympathetic majordomo, played by the under-rated Oscar Homolka, is found putting leeches all over the face of a maidservant. But it's all for a good cause...

Peasant tales of grave-robbing, corpse-eating ghouls will follow, as will a money-grubbing first wife for Sardonicus, a fantastic lottery win, and the origin of his self-selected baronial name (Sardonicus is descriptive, not inherited). 

The cinematography and staging often tend towards the bland and too-bright but the acting is more than adequate and the make-up and prosthetic work come across nicely, though they will have been shown too much by the end. Oscar Homolka steals the show here. Castle added a hilarious Coda to the film in which the audience voted to choose the ending. There was only one ending to the film, though -- Castle was a great showman, but two-way movies were still a long way in the future. Recommended.

New Heroes

The Invisible Man (2020): written and directed by Leigh Whannell; starring Elizabeth Moss: Enjoyable though overlong update of H.G. Wells' venerable tale of the dangers of not being seen. 

Having escaped the manipulative clutches of a tech billionaire, Elizabeth Moss' Cecelia soon finds herself stalked by him. But as he's an "optics genius," he's built an invisibility suit! So unlike previous Invisible Men, he doesn't have to run around naked to be invisible. Moss is solid as usual as a wounded woman finding her strength even when no one believes that she's being stalked and framed, you know, an Invisible Man. This may have started life as part of Universal's abortive Dark Universe franchise, especially given the superhero origin story ending. Recommended.

Bloodshot (2020): based on the Valiant Comics character created by Kevin VanHook, Don Perlin, and Bob Layton; directed by Dave Wilson; written by Jeff Wadlow and Eric Heisserer; starring Vin Diesel and Guy Pearce: Perfectly serviceable superhero origin story for Bloodshot, a cyborg hero who first appeared in Valiant Comics books of the early 1990's. 

There's a pretty good twist about 40 minutes into the film that was spoiled by the trailers. And then Covid-19 arrived in force during the first week of the film's North American release, pretty much shutting down the box office. The movie didn't cost much, relatively speaking, so it may yet return as a Vin Diesel vehicle. I suppose one of the ways the movie kept costs down was by having virtually all the action take place in buildings and other enclosed spaces. This may account for what I think is the longest battle on top of an elevator in movie history. Recommended.

Invaders

They (2002): written by Brendan Hood; directed by Robert Harmon; starring Laura Regan, Marc Blucas (Buffy's Riley Finn!), and Ethan Embry: 

Underwhelming horror movie with a far-too-passive heroine as played by Laura Regan. Can Regan act? The script doesn't give her much to do other than run around screaming or stand around woodenly denying the supernatural, so who knows? Marc Blucas, Buffy ex Riley Finn, has almost nothing to do. 

Really, no one has much to do -- the shadowy monsters drive the action completely and prove to be unstoppable so early in the movie that one wonders what the point is. They do have an odd array of powers -- not just shutting down electricity but also operating elevators and running subway trains. It sure seems that way, anyway. An interesting film involving Night Terrors hides under the inept writing. Not recommended.

Unidentified Flying Objects: The True Story of Flying Saucers (1956): written by Francis Martin; directed by Winston Jones: Odd, seminal combination of documentary and docudrama covering the evidence of Flying Saucers Over America! as of 1956. Great for those who love this sort of thing, somewhat tedious for those who don't. The film interpolates actual colour footage of UFO's as captured by reputable civilian photographers -- fleeting, fascinating stuff given extra zing by the fact that the real stuff is in colour and the rest of the film is in black and white. Dry, great stuff. Recommended.

Of Worms and Demons

 

Mysteries of the Worm: The Cthulhu Mythos Stories of Robert Bloch: edited by Lin Carter: (1935-1958; collected 1982): The first mass-market collection of all of legendary Robert 'Psycho' Bloch's Cthulhu Mythos stories from the early 1930's to the late 1950's. 

Like most writers writing in the Lovecraft vein, Bloch starts as a pastiche artist. Of course, Bloch knew and corresponded with HPL and engaged in a friendly game of killing each other's proxies off in stories (Bloch killing an HPL stand-in in "The Shambler from the Stars" and HPL reciprocating by killing 'Robert Black' in "The Haunter of the Dark.") 

Real-world poignance slips in as Bloch stops writing Lovecraftian fiction for a decade after HPL's death. When Bloch returns, he's much more assured and no longer writing pastiches in the last four stories in the collection. The best from this later quartet is "Notebook Found in a Deserted House" (1951), which is sort of like Huckleberry Finn vs. Cthulhu, if you can dig it. The collection takes its title from Bloch's most famous addition to the fictional books of the Cthulhu Universe, De Vermis Mysteriis. Highly recommended.

The Hollow Ones [The Blackwood Tapes Volume 1) (2020) by Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan: As with del Toro and Hogan's previous collaboration, The Strain trilogy, The Hollow Ones seems to have an eye to becoming a TV series if it isn't in pre-production already. It's an enjoyable, fast read in the Supernatural Detective genre, pitting a young FBI agent and a mysterious British gentleman against supernatural shenanigans in and around the New York area. Recommended.

George Romero's Land of the Dead (2005)

George Romero's Land of the Dead (2005): written and directed by George Romero; starring Simon Baker (Riley Denbo), John Leguizamo (Cholo DeMora), Dennis Hopper (Kaufman), Asia Argento (Slack), Robert Joy (Charlie), Eugene Clark (Big Daddy) and Joanne Boland (Pretty Boy): 

George Romero's fourth Dead movie gave him a mostly name cast and a decent budget; Romero's own quirky muse caused him to use these things on what wasn't a horror movie at all, or at least not the horror movie the studio thought it would be getting. But George Romero's movies were always about more than just flesh-eating thrills.

Land of the Dead is part-satire, part-social commentary. The zombies aren't really the villains any more: indeed, they don't seem to have any interest in hunting humans until the humans piss them off. And piss them off, they do. 

I don't know that the movie benefited from having known actors in some of the roles, though I am sure that this was necessary to secure funding. Dennis Hopper just seems miscast as a scheming businessman, but Leguizamo, Baker, and Asia Argento are all fine. But the real hero is the massive zombie gas-station owner dubbed Big Daddy. He's the Robinson Crusoe of zombies.

Essential viewing, in part because it now looks like an allegory for America Now. Hint: most of us are the increasingly intelligent zombies, while Donald Trump is played by Dennis Hopper. Fittingly for today's horrorshow world, the leader of the sympathetic zombies is a working-class African-American. Highly recommended. 

From Beyond the Grave (1973)

From Beyond the Grave (1973): Based on stories by R. Chetwynd Hayes; screen play by Robin Clarke and Raymond Christodoulou; directed by Kevin Connor; starring Ian Bannen, Peter Cushing, Diana Dors, Margaret Leighton, Donald Pleasence, David Warner, Lesley-Anne Down, and Angela Pleasence: Highly enjoyable anthology movie adapting four stories by English horror writer R. Chetwynd-Hayes, with Peter Cushing as the frame story's owner of a sinister antiques store (called Temptations, nudge nudge). 

There are some nice moments of horror here, along with some bleak humour very appropriate for any adaptation of the often tongue-in-cheek Chetwynd-Hayes. The climax of the segment starring Donald Pleasence and daughter Angela especially reaches a tone of extremely dark whimsy. In any case, the haunted or possibly cursed items in the stories are a mirror, a Distinguished Service Cross, a snuff box, and an ornately carved wooden door. So avoid such items at all costs.

This isn't a Hammer production but rather an Amicus one, for those who know about such distinctions. Cushing seems to be having quite a bit of fun behind some moderately heavy make-up. The moral of the story seems to be that one shouldn't barter to lower prices at an antique shop, and for God's sake, don't steal anything. Recommended.