Sunday, September 11, 2011

10 Original Star Wars Trilogy Blu-Ray Fixes the Fans Might Actually Enjoy

And give her a part. Or at least her boobs.

1. Show us a womp rat already.

2. Change the Forest Moon of Endor to the Wookie home planet and the Ewoks to Wookies, the way they were originally supposed to be. Defeat of Imperial troops by furry forest dwellers now at least remotely plausible.

3. Give the X-Wing fighters rear-firing guns so that they can do something other than play target practice with the pursuing TIE fighters in the trench.

4. Have the Death Star blow up Naboo instead of Alderaan.

5. Have Han shoot first.

6. Fix the ridiculously awful-even-for-1983 explosion of the Super Star Destroyer when it dives into the Death Star. This is the sort of thing that CGI can actually make look better.

7. Show the Imperial Fleet get destroyed when the second Death Star explodes, given that as-is it's hard to figure out why the battle doesn't just keep going.

8. Have either Yoda or Ben warn Luke not to throw away his light sabre because the Emperor can shoot lightning bolts out of his hands.

9. Fix the awful rear-projection on the Luke vs. Rancor fight. And have Luke use the Force to depress the lever rather than, like, throwing a rock.

10. When Luke takes Vader's mask off at the end of Return of the Jedi, have Vader turn out to be Stan Lee.

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